In a moment of madness I made a New Year’s resolution to make at least one new thing every week. To prepare my kitchen for this challenge (and it will be one) I decided I had to brave the unknown and venture to the very depths of my kitchen cupboards and throw out all the, I had the best of intentions, stuff that I’ve never used and is now well past its best before date.
I knew I’d find a few things but hadn’t expected the, I could have fed a whole country, hoard that I found. And yes before you ask I am suitably ashamed, one for being so wasteful, two for being such a domestic slut that stuff has sat there for so long and three for having good intentions to be creative and experimental that never materialised. The packet of quinoa, (don’t know what on earth I planned to do with that ) and packets of gelatine which I think had been purchased with an eye to make Turkish Delight bear witness to that.
It was definitely time for a good clean out; you know when you reach the back of the cupboard and find even tinned food that is years out of date that the job was long overdue!
So with sparkling and nearly empty cupboards the new year of culinary excellence commences. Yeah I know, who am I kidding?
Children- “What’s for lunch?”
Me – “How about a bacon butty?”
…. I need time to get my head around this New Year’s Resolution!
But what to do with all this old stuff? I already felt wasteful enough so decided that a potion making afternoon would at least redeem me somewhat. I laid everything on the kitchen table with a big mixing bowl and a pestle and mortar and called the smalls to let rip.
They had a wonderful afternoon and created a concoction so foul it would fit happily into any Roald Dahl story.
They ground up beetles (pumpkin seeds), stirred in butterfly eggs (quinoa), poured in fly poo (poppy seeds), tossed in maggots (suet) and chopped up dried worms (noodles) to their hearts’ content.
They tipped in whole tubs of old baking powder and bicarbonate soda so then I just had to donate the new bottle of cat’s wee (vinegar) as I knew they’d just squeal in delight as it frothed and boiled.
We hubble, bubbled, toiled and troubled along with the best of them; chanted in rhymes that would make Quentin Blake proud and quite honestly had the best afternoon ever. The clean-up was a job and a half but well worth every moment of it.
For scientific purposes we have kept a small sample of their delightful mix in a glass. (The rest has gone frothing along the toilet highway. I have promised them they can keep their glass full until it starts to smell more than the cat.
They claim that their potion will cure malaria. I think that they may have actually created life as it has already exceeded the boundaries of its glass container and is slowly expanding and inching its way over the edge…
…Today the kitchen, tomorrow the world… “Mwahahaha”.